Hello, and welcome to episode two of 'Toby and Keira Ponce Around London'. Before reading this, you really ought to read part one here, or just be aware that we had successfully navigated London's subterranean minefield and had just broken through to what should have been daylight...
After leaving the cosy surroundings of Tower Hill tube station, we were faced with the harsh reality of a wet and windy day on London's surface. The imposing features of the Tower of London greeted us and the howling ghosts of the condemned men and women who spent their last days on this earth there, were shrieking on the wind. Or, it could have just been the complaints voiced by my hungry belly. Either way, it was extremely frightening.
We scurried past the Tower and headed towards Tower Bridge. With each footstep that took us closer to the Thames, the intensity of the wind and rain increased proportionately. The conditions were so abysmal, it was hard to see more than a few feet in front of our faces. We then had a fright as one of the Tower of London's famous residents landed beside us. No, not a beefeater, but a raven. Although closer inspection revealed that this may have actually been a dark coloured pigeon.
Either way, it was an eerie omen as we headed towards the violent maelstrom that had engulfed the middle of the bridge. Many tourists were turning back, deciding against making the trip across the raging Thames.
Children were crying as their worried parents clutched them close as they desperately looked for shelter that was, alas, non-existent.
A man holding a golfing umbrella was whisked up into the air and was last seen being buffeted towards the sea.
There was a loud crack! Thunder? No, the top of The Shard had been snapped clean off! Although, later we realised it had actually just been obscured by low cloud.
I contemplated turning back round and calling the whole day a write-off. All the signs were telling us not to continue. But being both brave and in need of a wee, the only choice was to head in One Direction (<--- a little bit of search engine optimisation there) - forwards.
For the first time in the three years I'd owned it, I unravelled the hood that was usually concealed in the collar of my coat, knowing full well that I'd never get it back into quite the same condition again. If that doesn't tell you just how bad the conditions were, I don't know what will.
Whilst I was clutching the hood over my rain lashed head, my companion, Keira Husky, had use of my umbrella. You may think that lending it to her was an incredibly gentlemanly thing of me to do. But having seen what happened to the man with the golfing umbrella, it was actually far from gallant and just a matter of self-preservation.
With great strength and skill, Keira managed to wrestle with the writhing brolly like an angry king cobra. Despite its best efforts to whisk her away, she managed to keep her feet on the ground. Several bystanders lost an eye or two in the struggle, but the important thing was, we finally reached the south bank of the river in one piece.
Despite wearing my glasses, the rain still managed to seep into my eyes causing them to sting. Thankfully a couple of kindly souls stopped to let us cross the road as we'd wandered straight past the stairs that led down underneath the bridge to safety.
Eventually we were heading along the little cobbled road of Shad Thames that offered some merciful shelter from the wind. We stopped in an alcove to get our bearings and looked at one another. Nobody else would ever understand what we'd been through to get here. Our lives would never be quite the same again. We had a bond the like of which only soldiers who have fought alongside one another in battle could possibly know.
Keira's once sparkly ballet pumps, had now become dull and extremely squelchy. The only options my glasses offered me were wet, or smeary. Together, we crawled the final few metres towards the Design Museum. In the words of my friend Tom Tom, we had reached our destination.
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